All in.

Salutations C,

I call your stroopwafels and raise you a turbaconducken (turkey-bacon-duck-chicken, for those less heart attack prone).

Image courtesy of Bacon Today

I honestly think it could do with some cheese on top - why not add some calcium to your protein right?

Anyway, I hope you have emergency services on speed dial because I'm pretty certain after a couple of servings of this magical, somewhat supernatural feast, the left side of your body will go numb and you will most likely be clutching your heart, struggling for breath. I think this is formally known as a heart attack.

Speaking of emergency services, are you aware of what number to dial in case something does happen? Growing up oblivious to perils of real life, I've never actually (and hopefully never will) had to call for an ambulance. Notice how all this while I have been talking about emergency services, I have avoided typing an actual number? That is because I do not know what number to dial if something should *knocks on wood* happen.

It is ingrained in me (probably the result of too much television) that the number to dial when in an emergent situation is 911. However, I have recently learnt that this is not the case (I may or may not be secretly hoping that this is also news to you). It turns out that this number in Australia in fact 000 and in Malaysia it is 999 and in Brunei, well... it's not on the list (worrying).

You're welcome.

- S.